Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Television's top entertainers spent the airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched visa program, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Take

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday song directed at the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... ruins everything he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new program that allows international nationals to buy U.S. legal status for a sum of one million dollars, or "top-tier" version for five million. The program's portal guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick message for you to rich immigrants: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the scheme is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, with significant payments. "That's a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – if it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll ratings during financial anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking right-leaning media arguments of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.